Summer Classes for Men

[AK1979]

Just in case you know anyone who might benefit........

Summer Classes for Men at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Friday, August 15th 2008
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturdays noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day!

[AK1979]

A girl at work sent that - i need some ammunition back

[Carl]

Education Classes For Women

* Combating the Imelda Marcos Syndrome: You Do Not Need New Shoes Everyday.

* Communication Skills: Tears-The Last Resort, Not the First.

* Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.

* The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.

* Parties: Going Without New Outfits.

* Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.

* Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His.

* Valuation: Just Because It's Not Important to You . . .

* Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.

* Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space.

* Overcoming Anal Retentive Behavior: Leaving the Towels on the Floor.

* Cooking: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People.

* Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully.

* Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together.

* Sex: It's For Married Couples Too.

* "Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big?": Learning Why Men Lie.

[Carl]

CLASSES FOR WOMEN AT THE LOCAL LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS. SIGN-UP BELOW.
*Note: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants only.
Topic 1 - How to fill up petrol tanks within 2 hours.
Step by step, with slide presentation.

Topic 2 - The toilet paper roll: Why do they have to have pictures of bunny rabbits on them?
Round table discussion.

Topic 3 - The modern socio-economic aesthetics of being able to write your name in the snow using urine.
Group discussion.

Topic 4 - Fundamental benefits of not changing your perfectly clean clothes several times a day.
Pictures and explanatory graphics.

Topic 5 - The after-dinner dishes and cutlery : Why dishwashers are the saviour of womenkind.
Examples on video.

Topic 6 - How to use a remote control and programme a VCR.
Helpline support and support groups.

Topic 7 - Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open Forum.

Topic 8 - Physical fitness: How to throw a tennis ball properly.
Graphics and group exercises.

Topic 9 - Map reading 101.
Group workshop.

Topic 10 - Parallel parking ; The mystery revealed.
Driving simulation.

Topic 11 - Learning to live: Why childbirth is really really icky!.
Online class and role-playing.

Topic 12 - How to walk into a shop and buy the first thing that you see.
Time and energy saving tips.

Topic 13 - How to limit phone calls to a short duration.
Group therapy.

Topic 14 - What are the point of flowers? They grow for free in the wild!
Case studies and video references.

Topic 15 - Cosmetic salesmen tactics - Jojoba Oil and Aloe Vera do f*ck
all to your hair, but do a lot to your wallet.

Topic 16 - (Advanced class) - "The Offside rule: revealed"

[Cassius Marcellus]

[bartonbank]

Toilet seats...how to lift them up after use.

Getting ready to go out within a reasonable timeframe...secrets revealed

Learn to live with your man reading whilst on the toilet

How to get used to the taste of salt

Post Coital Behaviour...why it is natural to fall asleep

Eastenders...life IS bearable without it

Why a handbag is not a good dance partner

Meusli...it is not a foodstuff.

[Pobby]

The offside rule explained for women

You’re in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have. The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses. It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes. The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma. She prepares to throw her purse to you. If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes. At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes. Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to push in front of the other shopper.